[personal profile] elleflies
I've been listening to the Eighth Doctor Big Finish Audios - in order, as they're actually following arcs and referencing previous audio's and I finally got to Zagreus and Scherzo.

Now, Zagreus was trippy good fun, but I'm still not sure what the fuck was going on with Scherzo. It was good. I think. Well, as far as I can tell. It was just very strange. There, that's it - it was very strange.

Mainly, I just came away from Scherzo with the desire to sit Rob Shearman down and give him a good long talk about how drugs are bad and how one shouldn't write under their influence.

The story seemed straightforward enough. After the events of Zagreus the Doctor got all pissy and decided to exile himself to a Universe that had never really been given the chance to exist because Rassilon is an enormous dick. Oh, and for a time the Doctor had enormous power to change the universe to his whim and was terrified he'd be tempted to do it again (At this point I wasn't sure who was out emoing who: Eight or Ten.)

So off he toddles with companion Charley stowing away on the TARDIS. I'd like to point out for the LULZ that in Zagreus the TARDIS manifested itself as a manipulative, murderous Brigadier who was out to get the Doctor. (Dear Nicholas Courtney: I miss you!)

Anyhoo, the summary at Big Finish for Scherzo seemed straightforward enough:

There were two friends, and together they traveled the cosmos. They thwarted tyrants and defeated monsters, they righted wrongs wherever they went. They explored the distant future and the distant past, new worlds and galaxies, places beyond imagining.

But every good story has to come to an end...

With no times or places left to explore, all the two friends have now are each other. But maybe that's one voyage too many. Maybe they'll discover things they'd rather have left undisturbed... hidden away in the suffocating, unfeeling, deafening brightness.

Once upon a time. Far, far away.

Yeah, this story is cracky beyond belief. At the start, Charley is being a rational, forward thinking person and trying to come up with a PLAN and the Doctor is just bemoaning the fact that he isn't dead yet (after she gets him to stop hiding behind the console because he fears what's outside the TARDIS). Of course, as soon as they leave the TARDIS they get stuck without it (imagine that!)

I felt bad for Charley - she told him she loves him and first he completely ignores her and later on he equates her proclamation to the phrase "pass the salt." How he's managed to convince any female, let alone multiple women to travel with him is beyond me. Although I will say that Ten's response "quite right too" is a step up from "pass the salt." Look at that folks, he can learn!

So off they trot, the TARDIS having disappeared as soon as they step outside it's doors, in a world where it's so bright they can't see and every other sense is dulled. Except there's a sound creature popping up that likes to feed on their throats!

At first they are NOT OKAY WITH THIS. As every rational creature would be but later on it evolves into "IT'S NOT THAT BAD WHEN IT FEEDS ON OUR THROATS LULZ"

Um yes, it's ALWAYS bad when something is feeding on your throat. The Doctor even says something at some point... that the sound creature feeding on their throats is basically the equivalent of breast feeding. My first reaction to that was WTF NO, but after thinking about it... what are children if not some form of parasite that sucks all the life from you (says the person who doesn't have kids *g*)

This was not the only part that made me go "WTF." The bit where the Doctor and Charley stumble upon an alien corpse was... interesting, to put it mildly. The Doctor decides to conduct an alien autopsy using a piece of Charley's Jewelry as a scalpel and finally concludes that they must eat the corpse. Charley, like a rational person, thinks this is a tad gross. I tend to agree with her but somehow the Doctor always gets his way and they get down with the OM NOM NOMING,

The worse bit is, they're having a conversation later on, same conversation where they admit they're okay with the throat feeding, where Charley is talking about how she's looking forward to having yummy corpse for dinner and enthusing that the corpses are almost mammalian now. Charley! I used to think so highly of you!

Raw Corpse! It's the yummiest.

Which okay, fine, if you need to survive. But the Doctor gets it into his head to shave the corpse. They come to find that the corpse... is Charley. THEY HAVE BEEN EATING CHARLEY. CHARLEY HAS BEEN EATING HERSELF.

Well, it was an organism that evolved to look like Charley. Or something like that. It still doesn't get around the fact that this is one of the strangest cases of cannibalism ever.

Charley, gaining some rationality back, loses her shit. As any sane person would. The Doctor, as he is wont to do, has a more placid reaction when really the only proper reaction is to run around in circles crying with possibly some vomiting. (This may be why I'll never be companion material)

You'd think it couldn't get any worse (by worse, I don't mean that the story is terrible. I just mean in terms of WTF.) but it does! The Doctor and Charley discover that their hands have FUSED TOGETHER. AS the story goes, they've been holding hands the entire time (which makes me wonder how the Doctor managed his alien autopsy with only one hand) and their skin has fused. Charley has an appropriate WTF reaction, yet again. Whereas the Doctor just rolls with it and basically goes "LOL EVOLUTION".

At this point, I'd probably be turning him into the corpse. Then again, that would result in being permanently stuck to a corpse. OKAY, THIS AUDIO IS REALLY WEIRD.

The sound creature shows back up and the Doctor decides to just help the creature access his vocal chords so has Charley CUT HIS THROAT. I'd do a lot of things for my friends, but really... that might be a bit much. It turns out the sound creature just wants to protect his vocal chords (or something along those lines) so the Doctor lectures Charley with his throat open and vocal chords thisclose to flapping in the breeze. (Nothing will stop that man from talking. NOTHING.)

I may be getting a few things out of order as my brain is just jumping from one WTF moment to the next, but I'm pretty sure that it's after the flapping vocal chords that the Doctor and Charley squash their joined hands together and find that they are absorbing each other. The more they squash into each other, the more they can see and experience, so CLEARLY the next logical step is to become each other. So they squash themselves into one entity. This wouldn't have been as bad, had Big Finish not added squishing sounds. THE DOCTOR AND CHARLEY SQUISHED THEMSELVES TOGETHER AND IT WAS GROSS.

Okay fine, they're one entity now. I can roll with this. But WAIT, I should have known better. Suddenly the Doctor is addressing Charley as "Mama" which is... a bit kinky, but whatevs. And when she asks "are you my son?" he comes back with something like "no silly, I'm your daughter. You had a son but when you saw him you pushed him back inside and said not to come out until he became your daughter."

Not exactly the way reproduction happens but at this point I just threw my hands in the air and thought WHATEVER. I'M GOING TO FINISH THIS JUST TO SEE WHERE IT'S GOING.

Long story short, by getting at the Doctor's vocal chords, the sound creature was given voice and considers the Doctor and Charley to be it's Father and Mother and for some reason wants them to die for it. Instead they decide to die only for each other and defeat the sound creature.

Yay! They won! I think... I am still, not entirely sure what happened except that they're now stuck in some weird alternate universe with only each other on a strange planet.

I'll have you know I kept iming [livejournal.com profile] shinyopals throughout all of this because SOMEONE HAD TO KNOW WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH.

The Big Finish audio's, at least the ones I've listened to so far, have gone in some strange directions, but this one, by far, was the strangest. I'm still hazy on the details but some things like the throat feeding, cannibalism and merging were a bit to crystal clear.


I really wish there were a "Making Of" bit at the end, like some Big Finish audio's have because 1. I want to know how the actors managed to keep a straight face. 2. I want to know what the actors thought of the story and 3. ROB SHEARMAN: I WANT TO KNOW WHERE THIS CAME FROM AND WHY.

For the first half of the audio, I couldn't figure out if Scherzo was crackier than Orbis. I have decided that yes, Scherzo is far crackier than the audio where the Doctor lives with jellyfish people for six hundred years and gets really excited about women's tights. Yup, Scherzo has usurped that crown and I fear any other audio that manages to outcrack Scherzo.

I've not listened to the audio after Scherzo yet, so I have no idea where this arc is going, but I have no idea how the writer went from "The Doctor and Charley exile themselves to a strange universe" to "walking through whiteness with a sound creature feasting upon them whilst slowly merging together."

If anyone is interested, I still haven't finished Series 3 of New Who because I've been so DERAILED by the Eighth Doctor Big Finish Audios. Crackiness aside, on the whole they're utterly fantastic.

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